Not the end

Through all the nights that I stayed up thinking about what I could have done trying to remember what it could have been, it never once did occur to me that maybe it wasn't my fault. Maybe it wasn't either of our faults. I hated you for never telling me what it was but now I get it. Telling me would have broken my heart more than silently disappearing. And maybe secretly yourself didn't quite understand. But it's clear now. It wasn't you. And it wasn't me. It was the time, and it was the people we surrounded ourselves with. Not everything meshes perfectly. Maybe we did, but they didn't and at the time it was a package deal. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be sorry for anything. And I'm sorry you can't be either. Because it would all be so much simpler to hate you. And it would be easier. But it's not all so black and white. And I'm okay with that. I guess this is what they call closure. Our sad tale finally at an end. And while it may not be the happily every after that most girls dream of, I'm content with it. Because this means that it's not the end of me. __________________________ I wrote that 4 months ago about Steven when I believed he and I were done and he was never coming back. But then he did. And I don't know what I'm suppose to feel. He is the only guy I've ever been with that I actually want to be around all the time. I'm happy he's back. I feel whole again. But I keep holding my breath, waiting for him to leave again. I keep hoping this will be the time that it makes sense to him, that he will realize that being together is better. That we are better people when we have each other to reach out to. I don't know what to do to make him see that. So I just love him and hope it's enough.