Do you ever get that feeling that half the people in your life don't understand your particular brand of crazy? Sometimes I feel so lost. I was the girl in high school who had it figured out. I had my shit together ya'll. And now? Well.... now, I'm a hot mess. Not that it's totally bad. I just have some seriously bad karma or something. Which bemuses me because I'm a genuinely nice person. I mean, how does this crap KEEP happening to me? I need to get it together. I always thought I would have this great life. Think Sex in the City... sitting in my cute little apartment, writing fun articles for some fab magazine before going out in a killer dress and heels to meet my awesome friends at some swanky bar. But in reality, I'm sitting in my crappy little duplex (very awesomely decorated though), writing a blog while in my pjs. Yeah it is a Friday night. No, I'm not totally lame. I've had a VERY trying week. Recap? We shall...
The week began with a little bump in the road of my seemingly perfect (to the outside world) relationship. I adore my boyfriend. He's funny and he thinks I'm the coolest, funniest, prettiest girl ever. See where the notion of perfect relationship is coming from? Now, like all relationships, we have our problems. We both come with a hefty amount of baggage. And as two people in our mid-twenties, we are trying to figure which of those particular suitcases can be abandoned at the baggage claim. I've got a bag full of douchebag ex-boyfriends that left me with some seriously messed up notions of what it means to be in love. And he... well he's got his stuff. It's not my stuff to share. We hit this bump in the road after a night out. I stayed sober because I like sleeping in my own bed and even though I'm one of the youngest in my group of friends, I like to make sure everyone is taken care of. It's my mothering instincts I guess (even though the idea of being someone's mom totally freaks me out). SO anyway, one drink led to another which led to another which led to some crap I don't ever want to see again. I have a long list of exes that have drinking problems and I started to feel that same anxiety all over. And it made me freak out. Like to the point I considered throwing in the towel. But ultimately I decided that I needed to give him the opportunity to take control of his issues and change. People are capable of that (right??). So we decided it was best to give me some breathing room. And now I miss him. (Did I forget to mention I have issues? Like I could use some therapy to work through the handful of shit my past relationships left with me).
So besides that, I recently moved into a new place and just got slapped in the face with a HUGE bill from the last place. They replaced the carpeting in the entire house and expect me to pay for it! I'm a clean freak... seriously, I went around that place and cleaned the baseboards with a toothbrush. It's not my fault you bought shitty carpet that holds onto dirt like a childhood blankie. So I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this and find a second (technically third) job to bring in some extra money. Or really, any money, because I don't have any. So that's fun.
Next week, I need to make this really awesome phone call and figure out how I can push off my student loan repayment for another year. Like I mentioned, I'm a broke kid. I have a college degree and I work in retail. Pretty awesome, yes? Now, don't get me wrong I LOVE my job. It's so much fun and I love the girls I work with. Plus my boss trusts me and gives me a lot of creative freedom (when corporate allows it). I get to make up contests to keep spirits high and I use glitter almost as much as an elementary school teacher. It's sweet job in which I get to play dress up all the time and there's tons of pink and glitter everywhere. Unless you're the mother or sister of a tween girl, you probably haven't put it together. I work at Justice, a tween girl's clothing store that caters to building the girl's self-esteem and character while keeping her fashionable. It really is an awesome company to work for. I'm working my way to corporate. As cheesy as it sounds, I really do want to make a difference in the lives of young girls. I'm the oldest sister of 5 girls (there's one boy too but he kinda does his own thing). I try to be the best role model possible for them and they look up to me. That's a scary big burden to carry. But one I would never give up.
Other than relationship woes, and money issues, I haven't been sleeping. At all. It's terrible. And it makes me not very fun to be around. So tonight I decided to take it easy. Boyfriend is off having fun at his family's farm, and my family is 180 miles away, so I'm having a Jenny night. I'm going to watch Young Adult, because I feel like I'm going to totally relate to the main character, and hang out with my dog. It's pretty close to a perfect night in. I just hope eventually I get some sleep. Tomorrow marks the last day of this shitty week (I work on a retail schedule, my weeks start with Sunday and end with Saturday) and it's the first Mizzou football game of the 2012 season. GO TIGERS! I would love to be tailgating, but I'll be holding down the fort at Justice.
This blog is intended to give some insight into the life of a 20-something post grad. I'm getting an education in life here people. And like I said, I'm a hot mess. These are my misadventures, my missteps, my mishaps. I'll get there eventually.
